When the Numbers Don’t Add Up—But the Lessons Do
May 04, 2025
There was a season where I didn’t look at my bank account.
Not out of irresponsibility—
but because it hurt.
Because I was doing everything I could
and still… it wasn’t enough.
I had walked away from what once felt secure.
From a version of life that looked "successful" on paper.
And I was left holding the pieces of a dream
that didn’t follow me into my next chapter.
It wasn’t just a financial loss.
It was the unraveling of identity, rhythm, and belonging.
I wasn’t a mother yet—
but I was already learning how to care for something fragile:
myself
in a season of scarcity, surrender, and slow rebuilding.
And though the numbers didn’t make sense,
the lessons were quietly adding up.
Lesson 1: Worth and Wealth Aren’t the Same
I thought money was just math.
But it turned out to be emotional.
It reflected my stories—about enoughness, value, and what I thought I had to prove.
When my income dropped, my self-worth was the first thing I questioned.
But slowly, I started separating the two.
I began to ask:
What if my value is constant—even when my bank balance isn’t?
This was the beginning of a deeper kind of wealth—
one rooted in purpose, not performance.
Lesson 2: You Can’t Budget Your Nervous System
I tried to “figure it out.”
To spreadsheet my way into safety.
But no number could calm the racing thoughts or the tension in my chest.
Because what I really needed wasn’t just financial clarity—
I needed nervous system regulation.
I needed to feel safe in my body,
even when the world around me felt unstable.
That looked like:
-
Restoring rhythm and routine
-
Finding nourishment in simple meals
-
Yoga, journaling, meditating, and remembering I wasn’t alone
-
Letting go of shame and speaking my truth
-
Softening my grip on “shoulds” and allowing space to feel
Safety didn’t come from a paycheck.
It came from presence.
Lesson 3: Starting From Scratch Isn’t Starting From Nothing
The hardest part wasn’t letting go of money.
It was letting go of who I thought I was.
A business owner. A provider. A woman who always had it together.
But from that cracked foundation,
something honest began to grow.
I rebuilt—not just income,
but integrity.
Not just systems,
but self-trust.
Not just a business,
but a way of living that felt aligned.
Looking back, I wasn’t starting over.
I was starting true.
If you’re in a season like this—
where the math doesn’t make sense,
where you feel raw and afraid,
where you’ve been humbled by the cost of your becoming—
I want you to know:
You are not behind.
You are not broken.
And this is not the end.
This is the recalibration.
And the wisdom?
It always adds up.
👉 [Explore coaching or courses designed to meet you in the rebuild.] (insert link)
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